The Princess and the Pea/Nail

There was once a prince, and he wanted a princess, a real princess. Not some ghetto hood rat. He traveled far and wide to find one, but there was always something wrong. There were plenty of princesses around, but there was always something which was not quite right about them. He was very sad because he wanted a real princess badly. So very badly.

One night there was a terrible storm; it thundered and it rained. It was indeed a fearful night.

In the middle of the storm somebody knocked at the town gate, twas a booming, violent ground shaking knock, such was the fury of this knock that the King Himself went down to answer the call.

It was a princess who stood outside, but she was in a terrible state from the rain and the storm and day’s of nonstop programming php in a busy office environment. Murky water and mud streamed out of her hair and her clothes; it ran in at the top of her shoes and out at the heel, she looked pretty terrible, but she said she was a princess and she was carrying a very dangerous looking rusty butcher’s cleaver, no one could argue. Her name was Ferralina and she had come to woo the Prince.

‘We shall soon know the truth, I will test this girl and find out if she is indeed a real princess’ thought the old Queen, but she kept her mouth shut, she was much too fearful of the dangerous rusty cleaver Ferralina was now swinging around with reckless abandon.

While the King distracted Ferralina with stories of his exciting younger days as a court dancer, the Queen hurried to the west wing, the guest wing, and began to prepare a room for the princess. She removed all the bedding and placed a long rusty nail underneath, and then took twenty mattresses and piled them on top. The Queen planned to ask the princess how she slept the next day, only a real princess would feel the nail underneath all those mattresses.

The next morning the Princess entered the banquet hall howling in pain. There was a large nail stuck in her back. The Queen drew back in horror as she realized it would be much harder than she thought to be rid of this imposter princess.

Suddenly, one of the court jesters, a large man by the name of Gabby leant over and whispered in her ear: ‘Your Majesty, I know of your plan, try testing her with just one of these pillows I picked up during my travels in the future, try placing this large landmine underneath, she won’t feel a thing’.

‘Gabby that’s ridiculous, she felt it through 20 mattresses, you want me to test her with just one pillow’

‘Yes my liege.’

Gabby was a weird one. Constantly running around the palace ‘Looking for products’. However to his credit he had indeed solved some difficult problems in the past so she decided to try his idea.

She hurriedly placed a large landmine on Ferralinas bed, and barely managed to cover it up with the pillow. Royal fingers crossed she left the room, praying Gabby was right.

The next morning the Princess entered the banquet hall glowing, “I just had the best nights sleep in my life”.

The Queen smiled back as she summoned the guards. ‘What an incredible pillow…’ she thought.


Ferralina was arrested and exiled from the Kingdom. They never recovered the rusty cleaver.

The prince never married, instead choosing to pass on his inheritance to a commoner who then invented democracy.

The land mine was never discovered in all the years that followed, as every guest who slept on the pillow never even noticed.

The King ended up returning to his passion, dancing. After winning the world court dancing championship five years in a row he retired to a comfortable life in the country, later to be assassinated by a vengeful Ferralina bearing a rusty cleaver.

The End.

P.S Check this out, real life simpsons intro: