I get this beauty of a call at 3 am on a Wednesday night:
Charlie Jay: Hey Johnny, what’s that Chinese guy’s name who’s like really awesome in Kung Fu? The really short cool guy?
Johnny Catch: Dude…where are you…what time is it…why does your voice sound so weirdly clear? It’s like the middle of the night Charlie!
Charlie Jay: I know, I know it’s late but you got to help me out here man. It’s one of those things that you can’t get out of your mind you know, that niggling fact that you know you know but for someone reason you forgot and it just irritates you until you’re tossing and turning but you still cant remember no matter how much you rack your mind. This is one of those times! It’s killing me man, the short guy, sometimes plays a villain but usually the hero.
Johnny Catch: What Jet Li?
Charlie Jay: No, he’s too short.
Johnny Catch: Bruce Lee?
Charlie Jay: Dude, he’s dead, and no one forgets Bruce Lee, what am I …retarded?
Johnny Catch: The jury is still out on that one…why do you sound so clear?
Charlie Jay: I’m using a Philips CD 4 cordless phone, pretty amazing, hands free is active too, working on my guns while talking to you.
Johnny Catch: You’re actually carrying weights?
Charlie Jay: No dude, I am working on my actual Laser Tag guns, giving them a clean.
Johnny Catch: Oh….can I get back to sleep man?
Charlie Jay: Not till we figure out who this elusive martial arts expert is.
Johnny Catch: If we figure it out can you get me one of these Philips Phones too? They’re built really tough, I’d like to beat you to death with one.
Charlie Jay: Sure man, just help me get that name, so I can ease my mind and get some sleep.
Johnny Catch: Jackie Chan?
Charlie Jay: No, not Jackie Chan. This guy isn’t funny.
Johnny Catch: I really don’t know…. how long is the phones talk time?
Charlie Jay: Like 12 hours dude, why are you asking so much about the phone, we need to get this guys name!
Johnny Catch: I don’t know, you sound so clear; it’s really freaky, like talking to James Earl Jones… “I am your father Luke!” ….you know that kinda thing…
Charlie Jay: Wait a second, James Earl Jones, Darth Vader’s voice. That line is from Empire Strikes Back after the light saber fight, which is like a sword fight, which reminds me of another sword fight…of course Donnie Yen!!!!!!! That’s the guy! From Blade 2! Oh yeah!!!! Thank you Johnny. You’ve done it again!!!
Johnny Catch: Don’t ever call me again at this time Charlie. And get me one of those Philips phones, that’s the only good thing to come out of this conversation.
Charlie Jay: There’s this scene in Iron Monkey where he…
Johnny Catch: I’m hanging up now buddy.