The Mighty Wind

All of us are seated up at the bar dressed like minute men from a 100 Bullets, crisp white shirts, black suits and black ties, cold drinks in our hands, steely eyed and determined, focused but pensive, all five pairs of eyes trained on the large Samsung TV ahead of us. It’s me and Charlie Jay, The Turk cradling his bottle of Evian, J. Hoover Sinclair counting his stash of hundred dollar bills and Matt Hoffman who is gripping the bar table like he’s trying to rip it off the floor.

This is tension at the peak of its power. Rivulets of sweat run down the side of The Turks face. Charlie Jay’s fingers play an imaginary piano that’s not there. I myself grind my teeth so hard I’m about to crack a molar. The only sick bastard that seems to be smiling throughout this entire thing is “Two Time” Sinclair counting his money and enjoying every second of it.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, let me spell it out for you: IT’S RACE DAY!

And the horses are off. Unleashed like balls of fury they go. All of us train our eyes on the huge Samsung screen. With a wide 46 inch beauty of a screen like this you don’t miss a single beat. The jockeys flog their mounts and try to edge each other off. The entire bar erupts into screams and shouts, curses and pleas, begging and willing each person’s chosen horse to get to that finish line first. I myself put two big G’s on a black stallion called The Mighty Wind who’s currently in second place right now.

I’m at the edge of my seat trying to send waves of positive energy to the beast to speed up. This seems to actually work, on the high definition Samsung screens The Might Wind seems to pick up pace. The entire pub erupts into chaos when one of the race favorites, The Pink Panther goes down in a pile up with another horse sending jockeys and horses tumbling and turning on the ground. J. Hoover throws his money in the air in utter disgust as he loses his 7th bet in a row.

The other horses are now at the last stretch of this frantic race. Matt Hoffman suddenly slumps of his stool into a crumpled pile on the floor; never could handle too much stress. The Turk pours some water over Matt’s face to wake him up to no avail. My horse is head to head with the leader of the race now. Charlie Jay is standing on the bar top, screaming his head off at the Samsung TV with every last breath in his body.

Just when I think my horse isn’t going to make it, just when it seems like hope is about to die, just at the very end, when Matt suddenly wakes up from unconsciousness screaming “I want to liveeeeeeeee!!!!”, just at the very moment Charlie Jay loses his balance and falls off the bar top face first into the vodka cabinet, at that very instant a sudden gust propels The Mighty Wind into first place just over the finish line and I win big beyond my wildest dreams!!!

Ripping my suit of and swinging it over my head in circles I cry for joy like a victorious gladiator, around me the crowd bays in fury and passion. Victory!!!!

With all the money I just made there’s only one thing to do.

I’m going to buy me one of those Samsung 46 inch screens myself.