Sharpest Tool In the Shed

After a series of ridiculous house parties, night’s out, club events and the like I decide to rest easy this day at home, after all tonight is Christmas Eve. Waking up at noon bleary eyed, with a mind numbing headache and the lyrics of Iggy Pop’s Lust For Life seemingly stuck in my head I am further assaulted with the singing of over-cheerful Christmas carolers.

Pulling a Grinch I manage to chase off the carolers with my high powered Nimbus Water Gun 2000, drenched and confused they leave to spread the cheer somewhere else. I pile up on a tray of fruitcake my Aunt May sent me and start watching an old Chinese movie from 1994 called Chungking Express that my girlfriend Stacey Peruzzi has been pressuring me to watch. It’s some love story about a cop and a lady who wears a raincoat and sunglasses all the time and my attention starts to wonder. Giving up after about 20 minutes I put on an episode of Underbelly. Much better.

Things are looking good. The fruitcake is divine and seems to be banishing the headache, this week has been nothing but a train ride of fun, Liverpool is still on top of the table despite numerous draws, and tonight’s family gathering for Christmas Eve at my parents place is going to be nothing less than legendary. I really love Christmas, in fact I might even go to dinner dressed up in my Elf costume I purchased.

While I am contemplating the better things in life while Melbournian crime is being played out on the screen all of a sudden the chair I am seated on loses a leg and I crash down into a pile of entangled limbs and fruitcake. What in the world!

Getting up like a drunken version of Paris Hilton (which would be her normal version) I stare stupidly at the chair to see what went wrong. Apparently my overeating this past festive week has taken its toll. One of the screws, unable to take the strain of so much awesomeness buckled and flew out under the pressure. Not a problem for a man of the house like me. Walking to my store room I pull out a 29 Piece Power Wrench Set that could probably take care of this problem faster than you can slip Mistletoe above the hot girl at the Christmas party and slip her a kiss.

Quickly I set a new screw into place and fasten it into the chair as easy as pie. The chair holds up after that. Settling back to look at my handy work I certainly feel like sharpest tool in the shed at this moment, which would be a diamond cutter in my opinion, not that the average shed would have diamond cutter.

Nevertheless given the scope and practicality of this tool every shed should have a 29 Piece Power Wrench Set for sure.