Diary of The Dweeb: Issue 3

I found yet another awesome entry from Charlie Jay’s diary that I thought we could all get a laugh from and have posted it here for your reading pleasure!

January 3rd 2009

Dear Diary,

Alas 2008 has gone the way of the dodo’s and is as dead as Star Trek. I couldn’t be happier, 2009 is truly going to be special for me, while the rest of the world dwindles into chaos and economic turmoil my video game retail business that I run online is doing well, people tend to buy and play more video games when the world is falling down around their ears. I can picture miscreants like Johnny Catch planning which car to jack on Grand Theft Auto 4 while people riot on the streets demanding their jobs back.

All the better for me, profits are up and business is booming. On the personal side of life too things are looking better. After being single for 25 years of my life I have now been going out with Alice Montana for about 6 months, which is like 4% of my life being with someone and only 96% alone, so I guess I am not doing too bad. I only wish she would share my love for comics and manga and not constantly try and get me to sell my GI Joe action figures. A man has his needs you know.

All this reflection and analysis on my life has lead me to this moment of great truth, an oasis of certainty that I have come across, a startling epiphany that has hit me like a Jedi Mind Trick overtaking my very soul: simply that I, Charlie Ignatius Jay, must need treat myself this year. A little self indulgence and a pat on the back. They say self praise is no praise, but that’s probably from someone who never gets any self praise, if you get what I mean. I have been doing well so I deserve a special treat.

That’s why I bought myself a Spaced Aged Faucet Light. This device is off the proverbial hook. Imagine it being a hot day and feeling parched, somewhat like Moses was when he was walking through the Red Sea with all that water but none of it drinkable, and you want a glass of water. So you walk up to your tap and when you turn on the water a stream of luminous blue water shoots out! That’s as awesome as it can get, changing colors from blue to red according to the temperature of the water. It’s like your own personal Slurpee dispenser but with less sugar!

The only drawback to purchasing this futuristic invention is that I am feeling a little bloated after drinking 17 glasses of blue water and another 22 glasses of reds. I couldn’t help myself, feels like that episode of the Twilight Zone when that dude couldn’t stop drinking.

Oh well what can you do but raise your glass of blue water and give a toast to 2009!