This is the story of how I broke my girlfriend’s nose. Unintentionally of course. In fact if you look at it objectively you will see that it hardly can be even construed as minutely my fault. Sure I played a part, but a part that is surely dismissible in light of the extenuating circumstances surrounding this most unfortunate of incidences.
Me and Stacey Peruzzi, my girlfriend, were at my cousin’s J. Hoover Sinclair’s house for another one of his legendary dinner parties and we were in an exceptionally good mood. Stacey had been a pillar of support to me after my last few weeks of bad luck where I had crashed my car when avoiding that clown, burnt the roof of my house when attempting to launch some fireworks, and had alienated and pissed off most of my friends during all of December’s festivities. She had been a whirlwind of charm, cajoling smiles out of me, extremely loving at all times, playful and engaging, in fact she had been so perfect that hardly anything seemed to get me down right now.
So after a few drinks of red wine at the party we were in a playful and naughty mood and we didn’t care who saw it. While Two Time Sinclair spoke magnanimously to his other guests about his latest takeover while brandishing his huge Cuban cigar and glass of brandy we stole off to the kitchen to see if we could find some Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. We found a tub of Rocky Road in the fridge and started feeding each other bites of this creamy delight.
Stacey deviously when feeding me a spoon decided it would be funny to apply some Chocolate Chip to my face. Bristling from the cold being smeared all over my face while she burst out laughing like a mischievous pixie I took some ice cream of my own to get even with her. She started running around the kitchen to avoid me and I chased her with the tub of ice cream and my spoon.
She ran to the living room where J. Hoover and all the guests were and I followed in hot pursuit. Everyone looked up to see our playful antics and the sight of Stacey beautiful and stunning while running was a sight to remember. She made a dash to get to the garden patio outside when suddenly there a sickening crunch and she just stopped dead in her tracks as if stuck in some alien force field. Then peeling of some invisible wall like a piece of rotting wall paper she fell flat to the floor with her face covered in blood.
Some of the guests screamed, some stood up in shock, and I stunned stupid simply stood there with that large tub of ice cream. Looking ahead I saw blood on the glass Sliding Door that Stacey had attempted to go through. Of course, J. Hoover uses those Original Window Mates to clean his windows, with a powerful built in internal magnets that locks the two sides of the window mates together through the glass so that when you move one side, the other side follows, leaving the windows so clean they look like they are not there!
Gathering Stacey up in my arms and looking at her smashed nose while rushing her off to the hospital I am filled with tremendous guilt. Not over my part in Stacey getting hurt but for the rather ungracious thought of wondering where I could get myself some of those Original Window Mates at a tragic time such as this.