If you’ve ever set foot in the gym you’re likely to have met all of these typical gym types. From the dedicated bodybuilders staring at themselves while they lift weights in the mirror, to the narcissistic selfie girl who hasn’t even worked up a sweat in fear that it will ruin her Instagram worthy shot.
If you want to get a good workout in next time you’re at the gym, here’s a list of five types of people to avoid at the gym:
1. The over-ambitious beginner
The over-ambitious beginner hasn’t been to the gym in years but has decided that this year they are going to get fit. You’re most likely to spot the OAB in the gym during the first few weeks of the year but other trigger points include birthdays or their ex getting a hot new partner. They turn up to BodyBalance and make a point of informing the instructor, and anyone else who’ll listen, that they are ALSO doing BodyPump. They say this with a hint of indulgent pride while insinuating that one class a night just isn’t enough. You’ll normally find them in a puddle of sweat on the floor twenty minutes into BodyBalance and it’s very unlikely you’ll ever see the OAB in the gym again.
2. The professional
The professional gym-goer is much too good and they are ruining things for the rest of us. They are the girl in the Zumba class with eight years of ballet, jazz and tap experience and keeps their technique tight when the rest of us are just moving our bodies vaguely in time with the music. We’re in a community leisure centre that smells like BO and broken dreams lady, no need to act like you’re in the Royal Ballet! Keep an eye out for the professional gym-guy, who most likely did karate until he was 17 and despite a lapse of ten years believes that the women in the BodyAttack class need to work on their form.You call that a fist ladies!?
3. The over-sharer
The over-sharer is that person who desperately needs to show you the pictures of her kids on her phone. Hell, she wants to show you the photos of her next door neighbours kids. The over-sharer delays the start of the class by asking the instructor intrusive questions about his/her recent holiday to Vietnam. “But what was the exact name of the tailor who you use? Were they in the old quarter? How much did it cost? How long did it take and did they have new fashion magazines to use as guides?” The over-sharer is at the gym to make friends. Maybe they are really lonely. Maybe they actually just want to delay the start of BodyCore (and who can blame them). Whatever deep psychological issues underlie their needy condition, can they work it out somewhere else?
4. The pickup “artist”
If the over-sharer above is often (but not always) a woman, the pickup artist is often (but not always) a man. We are sure some loving relationships and, let’s be honest, fantastic flings, have probably started with eyes meeting across a crowded spin class but the line between an adorable “meet cute” story and a“creepy guy asking me out at the gym” story is really thin. If you’re known for creepin’ at the gym you’re almost certainly on the wrong side of it (unless you’re Channing Tatum). Wearing gym clothes and sweatily failing to touch your toes while a pop song exhorts you to be sexy is already a vulnerable position and some dude in alarmingly see-through leggings asking you what you’re doing after class is certainly going to make you want to run for the nearest no-males-allowed Curves gym.
5. The team players
The team players are the types of people you have to assume can’t go to the bathroom without taking a buddy. They arrive in a throng, a posse, a gang. They are friends or siblings or partners (worst of all!). When you file into the class they will ask you to move so they can stand next to their bff, Regina. You really don’t want to move because this spot gives you the perfect view of the instructor while also allowing you to partially hide behind the person in front. They laugh and giggle during the class at their in-jokes and make a midweek cardio session feel like high school where you’re not allowed to sit with them. One day though, Regina won’t make it to class and Gretchen will be running late and you’ll get to see Karen look all lost and alone…savour that day.
If you manage to successfully avoid these five types of people during your next attempt to workout, well done, we salute you!
If you’ve ever been sucked into a conversation with an over-sharer, trapped by the pickup artist in the weights area or stuck next to the team players during a class, then you’re sure to have a funny story about it, so tell us in the comments!
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